dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
