and you said cock pushups were impossible
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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