Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
