Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
