she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
we should paint friendship bongs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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