I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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