Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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