My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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