My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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