so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize