one might say we're banned from that church
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
