It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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