there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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