I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
