i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
