bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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