Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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