Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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