I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
