Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
