I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
