I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
