so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
