Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
