you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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