He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize