White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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