its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
