apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
