i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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