6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
