Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
