he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
