Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
