this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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