this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
