youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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