turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
