I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
