i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The uberlube is also flammable
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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