i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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