I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
