and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
