If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
