Define "chronic" masturbator.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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