i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
