I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
