It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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