i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
