My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
