my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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