I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
