I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
