In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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