I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
