Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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