If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize