: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
