I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
