The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He had one of those small greek statue penises
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
