I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So vagazzling was a success
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
