I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
