naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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