so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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