There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
