you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
