I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
