I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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