I am in a vortex of obligation.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
