he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i drank out of a bidet.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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