I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
