better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How naked do you want me to be?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
