we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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