To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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